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S01.E06 - Backside Bandit

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Behind the closed door of her bedroom, Jenna sat in her makeup chair, looking annoyed at the incessant straightness of her hovering roommate. "Jenna, if you don't hold still, your eyeliner is going to look like a seismograph," Trisha warned, holding Jenna's chin while waving a mascara wand like a conductor's baton. "I am not a trucker, you mess." Jenna groused, her neck craning to stay close to what was now Trisha's brush. "If it were up to you, I'd show up dressed like I was ready to chop down a tree." Trisha gasped, clutching her chest as if wounded. "Excuse you. This is sporty chic. I may not be a lesbian, but I know everything there is to know about being a sporty girl." Trisha thought about the accusation for a second and then added, "And if you ever actually want to do the lumberjack thing, I got you covered for that, too." "I'm a lesbian, Trish. I own my own flannel." groused Jenna as she swatted...
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S01.E05 - Gifted Education

 "Good morning!" said Trisha as she bounded through the kitchen door. Jenna waved a spatula while guarding a frying pan full of eggs and sausage. "Ooo. Sausage. I was told those weren't allowed in these parts of the county." Jenna smiled in that way you do when the DMV lady tells you to have a nice day. "Cute. If I don't get at least a pound of sausage inside of me per week, I get irritable." explained Jenna. "I hear that." "Don't tell Candy." "Eh, she lives here. She probably knows." "I lie. She lies. As long as the new girl doesn't ruin it, our arrangement holds." "Well, let me start off by saying: Happy birthday." said Trisha, proud that she had found out Jenna's birthday on her own and then remembered. Mostly. Except for the gift part. "Shhhhh!" hissed Jenna. "Are you insane?!? No one can know about that. Where did you hear something so filthy?" "From Candy....
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S01.E04 - A Pizza, My Heart

"Whoa!" said Trisha as she almost passed through the open bathroom door only to find that Candy was standing bottomless beside the sink with her foot on the edge of the toilet. Through sleep-crusted eyes she tried to focus on the can of shaving cream and the disposable razor instead. "I went nineteen years without seeing another woman's vagina, but then I moved in here and suddenly I can draw two of them from memory." Trisha leaned against the bathroom door frame with her arms crossed, her gaze averted. Candy reluctantly readjusted herself. "Jenna doesn't mind." "I'm pretty sure Jenna's a voyeur. Now that I'm here, we have to pretend as if the doors have hinges, like in a normal apartment." "What?" Candy paused mid-stroke, blinking up at her while exuding a faux innocence. "That’s how we women shave our legs." She gestured vaguely at her own reflection in the slightly foggy mirror, as if that explained ever...
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S01.E03 - Hot Wired

 The last bite of Jenna’s mint chocolate chip ice cream vanished, leaving behind just a hunk of cone. Candy was too distracted to notice, licking runaway drips of strawberry cheesecake swirl off of her wrist.  “You’re a mess,” Jenna said, grinning. "I can't take you anywhere." “This was my suggestion." Candy shot back, still focused on her cleanup as they climbed the apartment steps. "And bitch, I drove!” The cool night was a welcome response to a day of an ongoing 90-plus-degree heatwave. Somewhere in the distance, a random still-conscious resident entered her apartment to conclude her night. Everything was quiet. Everything was serene. Until the front door of their apartment swung open before Jenna could even fish out her keys.  Trisha stood there, wild-eyed, her favorite college t-shirt clinging to her damp shoulders like a used napkin. Smudges of soot were everywhere.  "Oh my God you look so hot right now.", said Candy, not even close to realizing ...
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